Down the Manjuu Hole
by pseudo-quill
Summary: Aka That One Where Kuro Gets Stuffed Into A Dress. Sequel to the Stroke of Midnight. When the travelers are thrown into the happenings of a storybook, Fai gets his revenge, Kurogane is not himself, Mokona is lost again and it appears that Wonderland is on the cusp of an apocalypse. Syaoran is still not amused. Can be read on its own. Crack.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: The chase for Mokona leads the travelers down the Manjuu Hole and into Wonderland.**

**Warnings: Kuro. In. A. Dress. Established Kurofai, SakuSyao. Implied Douwata and Fuukam in this chapter, with references (and some inside jokes that you might have to refer to the author's notes at the end to understand) to both X1999 and xxxHolic. Follows somewhat the storyline of Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland, largely inspired by the Disney film adaptation (because I grew up on that movie)... Anything else? Oh, Syaoran-torture, jealous-somewhat-OOC-hell-hath-no-fury-like-Fai and Kurogane-who-thinks-and-insists-that-he's a-little-girl.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own TRC, xxxHolic, Tokyo Babylon, X1999, Cardcaptor Sakura, Dukylon, RG Veda... Any CLAMP series. I'm not CLAMP. Because Seisub wouldn't have ended the way it did, X1999 would be finished, TRC would become a NC-17 yaoi manga... And xxxHolic would _not _have ended that way. I do not own Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, the Wizard of Oz, any other fairytales that happen to come up or that there are references too... And I do not own the songs from any of the movie adaptions.**

**Notes: This is a sequel to my previous crackfic (That had a rather overwhelming response for a oneshot. Thanks for 70++faves!), The Stroke of Midnight. If you'd like to read it, go find it on my profile. There are some references to the Stroke of Midnight in Down the Manjuu Hole, and these _may_ blow right over your head/not seem as funny to you unless you've read it. But all in all, you can still read Down the Manjuu Hole without reading the Stroke of Midnight, because these references are few, and you'll probably still find the dialogue reasonably funny (I hope) without recognizing the re-quotes, references, and parallels to the Stroke of Midnight. This was meant to be a oneshot, but I've decided to split it into three chapters due to the length and also for the purpose of adding footnotes, because I make a lot of references to other CLAMP stories in this fic. It is likely to be as long, or perhaps even longer than the Stroke of Midnight.**

* * *

They had landed with a splash on the shallow banks of a river. The setting was a lot like Lecourt, with all the men in tailcoats and top hats and all the women in day dresses and frocks. But _without _the flying trains and the irate librarians with fire-breathing guardians of books. The world that they'd landed in this time was a picturesque place of cobblestone paths, tudor houses, and horse-drawn carriages. So picturesquely familiar in fact, that Kurogane had stiffened upon landing, inevitably reminded of past traumas. Of _that _terrible place, that still lingered in his mind from months past. He found himself immediately scouring the skyline for that familiar clocktower and white-palace walls, and relaxed when he saw nothing but mansions and lawns sprawling on and on for as far as he could see.

After some time spent wandering bedraggledly down the streets like drowned rats, an owner of a nearby shop had taken pity on them and lent them some blankets and cloths to dry themselves with. Mokona, with a little shake of her tiny body, had deemed herself dry enough, and gone off in exploration of the shop. The ladies chattered, the shopkeeper smiled, and Syaoran eyed the trinkets with poorly disguised curiosity. It was a normal world, a stunningly normal world.

The jingle of the bell over the door signaled a newcomer's arrival.

"Wait! Please wait!" cried a girl's voice from the streets outside, drifting in through the open door before it could swing shut with another jingle, "Oh, Mr. Rabbit! Where are you going in such a hurry?"

It was the familiar _'puu~!' _that had Kurogane whipping around in gut-wrenching horror. Outside the clear glass of the shop display window, Mokona bounced happily along the pavement.

"Mr. Rabbit!"

In an instant, Kurogane had thrown the door open once more, poking his head out into the streets.

"Shiro manjuu!" he bellowed after the escaping creature, "_Come back here!"_

"Please wait, Mr. Rabbit!"

"Alice! Come back here at once!"

Kurogane found himself sprinting after Mokona, garnering strange looks from passerbys as he hollered after her at the top of his lungs.

"Kurogane-san!"

"Hyuu! Look at Kuro-hero run!"

"Mr. Rabbit!"

"Shiro manjuu!"

"Alice!"

And so went the strange procession down the streets of that little English town. A manjuu bun with a jewel on its forehead, chased by a dark foreigner in a black cloak, pursued by a little blonde girl in a little blue dress, closely followed by a hollering mob of one well-dressed young lady, one distressed little boy, and one catcalling blonde man. As they ran, the pigeons flew up around them as if they were a grey sea before Moses himself, scattering feathers down upon unsuspecting onlookers. Ladies shrieked at the indignity and gentlemen brushed the unsanitary feathers off with disgust. Children laughed and gleefully shouted, "It's snowing!"

Kurogane, quite frankly, couldn't have given less of a shit about all that. The only thing on his mind was catching up with that damned shiro manjuu, and throttling its non-existent neck. As if reading his mind, Mokona let out a gleeful _'puu~!' _and dived headfirst into what appeared to be a rabbit hole. Swearing in a way that had nearby gentlefolk crying out in outrage. Kurogane dropped to his hands and knees before the burrow and ungracefully stuck one hand into it, groping angrily for Mokona.

"Oh, Mr. Rabbit!" cried that little blonde girl, skidding to a halt behind the ninja's ungracefully upturned posterior, "Please wait!"

"Hyuu~" came a lecherously appreciative whistle from behind said ninja, "What a _view."_

"Shut up," Kurogane hissed over his shoulder, resting one hand on the firm earth within the burrow so that he could turn to glare properly at the man.

And then to the outrage of all onlookers, Fai laughed, and _groped Kurogane's ass._

"You ass!" Kurogane yelled (and yes, he realized that he'd only given the man groping _his _ass more ammunition), but before he could rain his abuse upon his soon-to-be dead lover, his hand slipped. Under his palm, the soil crumbled and gave, and then he was plummeting forward. He closed his eyes, expecting to be met with a faceful of dirt, but instead, he continued falling. Down, down, down, down, down…

* * *

_Down._

Down past a lamp that seemed to float in midair. Kurogane reached desperately for it as he fell past it. His fingers scrabbled for a moment over the chain of it before he grabbed onto its very end. As he tugged on it, the lightbulb came on, then gravity swung his body like Tarzan on a vine and slammed him against the side of the tunnel. It was strangely soft; fragrant, white, and fluffy. Then something tore in the seam of his prosthetic arm, and he soon forgot about the texture of the wall.

"Fuck!"

And what would his mother think of his language!

Wait… _what?_

He let go of the chain before some _real _damage could be done, and then he was falling once more. A fluffy blue fabric flew up into his face and spluttering, he tried in vain to push it out of his face. He caught sight of a table past the fabric, protruding from the fluffy wall of the burrow, and reached for it with his _real _hand. But this time, the entire table tilted when his weight slammed into it, and white crumbs littered down from around the half of it that was buried within the… the _bread?_ It was a wall of manjuu!

Cutlery began to slide off the table and fall down into the darkness, followed by a candleholder, a pepper shaker, then a kettle that smacked Kurogane square in the face.

"Oh, damnation!" he cried, clutching the kettle to his bosom as he fell—quite literally—ass over tea kettle down the rabbit hole. When he realized that he was hugging the kettle, he chucked it away from him in a fury—and oh! what _would _his mother think to see him throwing such a tantrum? It clattered against the sides of the burrow, and suddenly stopped its fall as if by magic, freezing in midair.

"What the fuck?" Kurogane yelled, "That's not fucking _fair!"_

_Poof! _went the blue fabric around his waist, billowing out like a tent, and suddenly he was floating as well. Floating—descending slowly downwards like a feather. He patted the… umbrella thing around his waist. Oh. How silly of him. That was the dress that his sister had picked out for him this morning. How _could_ he have forgotten? In any case, his skirt was taunt and seemed like it wouldn't give way too easily. With a self-satisfied smirk, Kurogane crossed his arms over his chest.

"Now _that's _more like it."

Then his foot got caught in something that he couldn't see past his skirts, and he abruptly found himself being swung upside down.

"Oh bother," he muttered. Now he was flashing the outside world with the underside of his dress. And what _would _his mother think of _that? _He clawed for the wall and managed to spin himself upright, but like an egg, he only tipped over in a somersault and ended upside down again, "_Bother!"_

He landed ungracefully on his head, just in time to see a door clattering shut just ahead.

_The manjuu!_

"Oi, shiro manjuu!" he cried, clambering to his feet and arranging his skirts about himself, "Where are you going in such a fucking hurry?"

He threw himself at the door.

"Shiro manjuu!"

He flung the door open, and found himself faced with another smaller one. He flung that one open as well, and was faced with an _even _smaller one. What _was _this nonsense? Like russian dolls, one and on he went, opening smaller and smaller doors until finally the smallest opened to show the inside of a large hall. He dropped again to all fours, and began to squeeze through the gap.

"Curiouser and… _ugh… _curiouser…" he grunted as he contorted his inconveniently broad shoulders to squeeze into the gap. After that, it was rather easy to crawl through with his narrower waist… _before _he was stopped short by his larger rump, "Oh _no!"_

A strangely familiar black-haired boy in a red and white tailcoat was hurrying towards the opposite side of the room, holding up a pocket-watch as he distressedly pushed his glasses up his nose. A little furry ball (it was a _tail! _Kurogane realized with some shock) bobbed upon his ass, and a pair of white ears sprouted from the crown of his head.

"I'm late, I'm late!" he cried.

"You're late, you're late!" agreed the shiro manjuu tucked under his arm.

"No time to say hello," fretted the boy as he dropped to his knees and crawled through a door, "Goodbye!"

"You're late, you're late, you're late!" the white creature gleefully reminded him.

The door slammed shut behind them.

"Oi!" Kurogane yelled, attempting to squirm forward, "Wait! Shiro manjuu!"

There was a reason he was chasing after the creature, he was sure, but he couldn't remember what it was! But honestly, how could anyone expect a little girl like him to remember all that on top of all the history, literature, etiquette and all those damn _lessons _he had to take. Gosh he hated those, he hated sewing, hated reading, hated singing, hated curtsying to mother's lady-friends. He struggled within the door's tight grasp, posterior stuck firmly on the other side of it. And suddenly, there came voices from behind him, muffled.

"Hyuu~" came that lecherously appreciative whistle, "What a _view!"_

"Fai-san, I don't think…"

Kurogane felt his cheeks heating up despite himself. What a _sight _he must look from the other side! How ungraceful! Not how a lady should behave at all, would be what his sister would say. And what _would _his mother say about this! A foot was planted squarely on his ass, pushing a little as if testing the give of his rump against the door.

"Oi, oi!" he cried, panicking as the foot pressed more firmly against his backside, "Watch it!"

"Fai-san," suggested a quiet voice timidly, "Perhaps you shouldn't…"

"Nonsense!" cried an annoying voice in response, "Surely we can't leave him like this!"

The foot drew back. A moment later, Kurogane found himself flying forward from a hard impact against his rump with an undignified _oof! _He tumbled head over heels once, twice, and then sprawled over the tiles on his back.

"My, my!" drawled the annoying voice, now turned sly, "How _lewd, _Kuro-sama!"

Dazedly, he realized that that he could feel the hem of his dress tangled and tousled around his thighs. With no small amount of horror, Kurogane scrambled to his feet and brushed his dress carefully down—Mother would have a fit when she saw how he had crumpled it so—scandalized that his bloomers had likely been showing.

"Quit leering at me like that!" he barked at the blonde, backing away indignantly, _"Pervert!"_

The blonde only threw his head back and cackled, purple striped tail a-swishing behind him and the pointed ears atop his head twitching with a sadistic glee.

"This is retribution!" he announced, brandishing a finger at Kurogane wildly, his blue eyes sparkling with a maniacal gleam, "Retribution for when you laughed at me in that dress!"

Pursing his lips, Kurogane turned his chin disdainfully up, exactly the way he always saw his sister do, and procured a white lace handkerchief from within the bodice of his dress. He flicked it out once in a practiced movement (his etiquette teacher would be delighted to have witnessed that) and dusted himself off with a few dainty sweeps. Such undignified behavior deserved no response from a lady.

"Kurogane-san?" came a tentative whimper from slightly behind the blonde cat, "Are you alright?"

A young brunette floundered around by the doorway, hands clapped over his eyes and his cheeks blazing red through his fingers. A set of large round ears protruded from the top of his head, and he had his long, pink tail wrapped around one arm to keep it from trailing on the ground behind him. A sanitary little thing, then, Kurogane concluded with some approval, but rather silly. Whatever was he covering his eyes for? It reminded Kurogane of a nursery rhyme about three blind mice that his nanny had taught him when he had been but a wee little girl.

His attention was drawn back to the blonde as he sashayed smoothly over and slid an arm slyly around Kurogane's waist. To do such a thing without a declaration of courtship and in the absence of a proper chaperone… How scandalous! With a grimace, Kurogane held him at arm's length, fingers itching for his handkerchief again.

"Oi, restrain yourself or I'll slap you, you hear?" he spat, "My nanny says that when disgusting perverts like you come onto me, I have the right to slap you!"

The blonde choked, faltering for a moment.

"Wh—But….you—" he faltered in his ungraceful spluttering. Kurogane pursed his lips in disapproval. Egotistical bastard. Did he really think any proper lady would want or even welcome his forward advances with such abhorrent behavior? The man looked at him, dismayed, before finally opening his mouth to mindlessly utter the ultimate blasphemy: "But guys don't slap other guys!"

Kurogane slapped him.

With a yelp, the cat-guy stumbled sideways, clutching to his wounded cheek. After recovering from his shock, he looked up at Kurogane with blue kitty-eyes so betrayed that he felt a little bad despite himself. But the _indignation _overrode the guilt.

"How _dare_ you!" he yelled, planting his hands on his waist and scowling the way his father did whenever he was displeased about something, "Fucking asshole! What do you mean _'guys don't slap other guys'?!"_

The blonde blinked.

"Well, because," he began, "I'm a guy and you're a guy so—"

Kurogane slapped him again.

With another cry, the blonde stumbled in the other direction, clutching at his other cheek.

"What was that for?!"

In a manner distinctively unladylike, Kurogane's fingers tightened in the collar of the man's shirt. A moment later, he had the guy dangling a foot off the floor. His mother would have a fit, but he was too angry to care.

"What do you _mean _I'm a guy?!" he hollered, "Do I look like a _fucking_ guy to you?"

The brunette was frozen in the corner, amber eyes wide and ears quivering in fear. The cat curled up a little, tail snaking between his legs, ears laid back in confusion.

"Yes?" he whispered uncertainly, "You look like a man in a little girl's dress…"

"That's because I _am _a little girl!"

The blonde choked.

"Wh-what?"

Kurogane shook him once.

"I _said," _he shouted into one of those twitching cat-ears, "I'm a goddamned little girl, you hear me? I take etiquette classes every Tuesday and Friday, sewing classes on mondays and thursdays, and piano on wednesdays and saturdays! I even play tea-party with fucking dolls in my free time!"

The blonde stared at him a second longer, before realization bloomed across his face. For the sparest of moments, Kurogane felt a smug satisfaction that this inept dolt had probably understood what he'd been trying to hammer into his head. Honestly, the man had to be an absolute _simpleton. _Kurogane vaguely wondered if there was any suitable place nearby where the blonde could be institutionalized. He clearly wasn't very bright because Kurogane was obviously, clearly, _evidently _a little girl and _not _a hulking manly brute. Evidently.

The moment passed, and the blonde burst into laughter so violent and so abrupt that the force of his convulsions yanked him out of Kurogane's grip. He dropped to the floor and lay there, howling as he attempted to sit back up. He finally succeeded and looked up at Kurogane with tearful blue eyes.

"That's a good one, Kuro-chi!" he chortled, "And I thought you didn't have a sense of humor!"

How… How _dare _he! Kurogane had never been so insulted in his _life! _First he called Kurogane a guy, then he told Kurogane that he looked like a man in a little girl's dress, and _now _he was _laughing _when Kurogane told him that he _was_ a little girl! His fingers itched to slap the man again, but he supposed that even if the kitty _was _a perverted old kitty, three times was a little much for a lady. So instead, he turned on his heel with a huff, and set about trying to get through the tiny door that the manjuu had disappeared through. He swept the curtains aside, and took ahold of the brass doorknob, turning sharply.

"Ouch!"

With a curse, Kurogane drew his hand sharply back.

"What the—"

"Hey, hey!" cried the doorknob, sounding a little nasal, "That hurt!"

Kurogane ignored it.

"I'm looking for a little white thing that looks like a manjuu bun," he said shortly, "Let me through!"

"I've never met a ruder little girl," the doorknob spluttered indignantly, before narrowing its eyes at Kurogane, "Though you have awfully broad shoulders."

"Hey! I have a _perfectly_ ladylike figure!"

The blonde kitty sighed and nudged him carefully away.

"Honestly, Kuro-chan," he muttered, "You need to know how to treat people better."

The doorknob sniffed.

"What he said!"

With a charming smile, the blonde lowered himself onto his elbows, tail swishing happily in the air.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Doorknob," he apologized kindly, "Kuro-chan can be _such _a brute!"

"Hey!" Kurogane yelled, "I'm right here!"

They ignored him.

"It's alright I guess," sighed the doorknob, "Though I'd have thought that little girls would know to treat doorknobs better than Cheshire Cats would."

The Cheshire Cat grinned. Quietly, the brunette crept a little closer.

"So…" he inquired shyly, "Will you let us through?"

The doorknob looked scandalized.

"Oh no, no, no," he said, "That won't do. That won't do at all!"

"Why the fucking hell not?"

The cat hushed him with a stern look, and Kurogane lapsed back into a petulant silence. The doorknob cleared its throat, shooting the 'girl' a nasty look.

"You're simply too big!" he declared, before smiling kindly at the brunette (before that day, Kurogane had never known a doorknob could smile), "A dormouse could probably fit, but you're an _awfully _large Dormouse, if I do say so myself."

Abruptly, something shifted in those deep blue eyes. Turning slowly around, the Cheshire Cat licked his lips. As he fixed his eyes on the frozen Dormouse, they flickered like lightning to an inhumane gold. The pupils dilated to slits as long claws began to extend from the tips of his fingers.

"Dormouse?" he repeated in a sly murmur, "Why, I would so love myself a delectable little dormouse."

The little brunette boy blinked, confused and a little scared by the look in hi friend's eyes.

"F-Fai-san?" he stuttered, beginning to slowly back away, "Is this a—a joke?"

But the Cheshire Cat—Fai, the Dormouse had called him—only let out a fierce _reoaawww! _and pounced. The Dormouse squeaked as six feet of muscled cat hit him with all the force of a train wreck.

"Gahhh!" yelped the Dormouse, "Snap out of it, Fai-san!"

"Oi, oi," Kurogane called lazily, "No eating one another, you hear me?"

"K-Kurogane-san…" whimpered the Dormouse, "Help me…."

Fai had draped himself over the Dormouse's back, pinning him down onto his stomach, and was currently gnawing on the top of the boy's head, mouth stretched as wide as possible. A single gold eye flashed at Kurogane before the Cheshire Cat closed his eyes, moaning in satisfaction. Abruptly, Kurogane felt a strange, irrational jealousy. Fai was _his. _No one else got to feel Fai's teeth like that, and Fai didn't get to bite anyone else either. He started forward and lifted the cat off the Dormouse's quivering back.

"Nya, nya, nya~" Fai meowed happily, clawing for the Dormouse, "Nya, nya, nya~"

"Shut up with your goddamned meowing!" Kurogane snarled, giving the Dormouse a warning glare (the boy shrank back, looking betrayed) before he turned his attention back to the blonde in his grasp. He lowered the man back to the ground, but before he could scramble back to resume his gnawing on the Dormouse's person, Kurogane slammed him back against the wall beside the door. The doorknob let out a startled squeak as the door rattled in its hinges from the impact. Ignoring it, Kurogane grasped Fai roughly by the hips, clenching his fingers into warm skin, hard enough to bruise.

The boy floundered forward.

"Guys," he called reproachfully, determined to intervene before things could proceed any further, _"Guys!"_

The Dormouse waved a hand helplessly at the door.

"Guys, we don't have time for this," he said reproachfully, "We have to find Mokona."

Kurogane and Fai stared at him blankly. The Dormouse sighed, dragging a hand down his face.

_"Mokona!" _he yelled.

"Mo-who?" Fai asked.

Syaoran rocked back, aghast.

"Snap out it!" he cried, "Both of you!"

"Who's Mokona?" Kurogane asked, making a face.

"The white thing that you hate so much!"

"Oh!" the two of them exclaimed in unison, "The manjuu!"

"What?" Syaoran exclaimed, utterly unamused, "You understand 'manjuu' but you don't understand _Mokona?"_

The doorknob tsked.

"Of course everyone understands 'manjuu' but not 'Mokona'," he sighed, "Just look at the walls. Do they look like manjuu, or do they look like Mokona? This is the Manjuu Hole after all!"

Syaoran looked at the walls, and was dismayed to find that it _was _made of what seemed to be freshly-baked manjuu. He even took a chunk out of it and tasted it!

"Well," Kurogane reasoned, "If this 'Mokona' truly is the shiro manjuu, then Mokona looks like manjuu looks like the wall. Therefore the walls look both like manjuu _and _like Mokona."

Fai shook his head.

"No, no, no," he protested with a frown, "They may _look _alike, but the texture and most importantly the _taste _is different."

He marched up to the walls and jabbed a rough finger into it.

"This," he declared, jabbing his finger into it again and leaving a hole in the manjuu, "This is _human _food! A Mokona would be a much better dinner!"

"We are not arguing about this!" Syaoran wailed, "And you are _not_ eating Mokona! We need her to get out of here!"

"Get out of here?" Kurogane asked with a blank stare.

"To where?" Fai asked with an equally blank stare.

"Home! Clow! Nihon! Anywhere else but here!" Syaoran explained exasperatedly, gestures getting more and more violent, "To another world!"

The doorknob cleared its throat, sounding put off.

"So do you want to get past this door or not?"

"Yes!" Kurogane said immediately, dropping to his hands and knees so that he could attempt to peer through the keyhole, or rather, the doorknob's mouth, "Hey, hey, open up a little!"

"I will not—"

"There it is!" Kurogane cried, having managed to catch a glimpse of the other side on the 'o', "I can still see the shiro manjuu!"

"Dinner!"

"No!" Syaoran shouted at Fai, "No dinner!"

"How _do _we get through, Mr. Doorknob?" Fai asked excitedly, completely ignoring the Dormouse. The doorknob looked distinctively offended.

"Weren't you paying attention?" it grumbled, "You're too big!"

"Then how the fuck do we get small?"

"Well, I would have told you if you'd just _listen!" _cried the doorknob, "You're supposed to follow the instructions on the bottle up there!"

"Bottle up where?"

"There!" the doorknob shouted, "On the table!"

"What?" Kurogane demanded, turning around "There's no—oh!"

A table that had _definitely not been there a moment ago _stood innocently in the middle of the hallway. Excitedly, Kurogane trotted over to it. True enough, a small glass bottle filled with liquid stood on the table. A little piece of paper was tied to it; Kurogane lifted it up and squinted at the cursive script.

"Drink me," he read aloud, and then shrugged, "Well."

"Wait, Kurogane-san!" Syaoran cried, "It could be—"

Kurogane tipped it gently back. His eyebrows shot up, and he tilted his head, looking distinctively impressed.

"Good sake," he commented, and Syaoran yelped when he immediately shrank to half his original size. Oblivious, Kurogane took another sip, "No," he said with a frown,"I think it's shochu."

He shrank again, and tipped over under the weight of the bottle.

"Oh!" he cried, as the bottle clattered to the floor beside him.

"Well, there you go!" exclaimed the doorknob, suddenly jolly once more, "You're just the perfect size!"

Kurogane grinned and reached out for the knob.

"Good, now shall we…"

"Oh no, no, no," protested the doorknob vehemently, "You can't just do that!"

"Why the fuck not!"

"Because I'm _locked, _silly little girl!"

Kurogane was clearly unamused.

_"What?!"_

"But it's alright, isn't it?" the doorknob chuckled, "You have the key."

"No, I don't!"

"What? Don't tell me you left it up _there?"_

Kurogane craned his head and caught sight of blue eyes, brown hair a little aways, and a large brass key on the table.

"Oh _bother!" _he snarled, "Now how am I going to get up there?"

With a sigh, there was movement of a _massive _entity, so massive that the ground shook under Kurogane's feet. Yelping, the 'girl' lost balance and fell ungracefully onto his rump.

"Careful, Kuro-chan," Fai said, kneeling (and making Kurogane fall over again, halfway through the process of getting up, from the thundering impact of knees to concrete) to pick the shrunken figure up like a barbie doll. Behind them, Syaoran stomped over and snatched the key off the table. He dropped to his knees before the door, holding the key up menacingly.

"Open up," he hissed.

The doorknob shrank away from him, looking fearful.

"Now, now," it chuckled nervously, "Be gentle will—_mmmpff!"_

Syaoran twisted the key in the keyhole with a loud _click. _A moment later, the door swung open. The doorknob began spluttering and spitting.

"Yeeuck!" it choked, "You horrible little—Close the door! Close the door immediately! I'll not let you brats through!"

Fai quickly placed Kurogane right in front of the door, tapping him lightly on the rump as if saying "go on ahead first". Kurogane did not quite appreciate it. With a yelp, he found himself flying forward from the overwhelming _force _of that finger, tumbling head over heels to land in plush grass. He sat up immediately, adjusting his skirts back into modesty and glared in the direction of the doorway. The Dormouse came charging blindly through the doorway, attempting to skid to a halt before he could collide with the 'girl' sitting on the floor; he failed, and went sailing over Kurogane instead. Behind him, Kurogane caught the barest flash of a milky-white throat, and then a moment later, the glass bottle clattered to the floor and Fai came running through the door with a loud '_hyuu~!'_

The door slammed closed behind them, the doorknob still yelling obscenities as it did. The very tip of Fai's tail got caught underneath the door, and the cat yelped in pain. He tugged frantically at his own tail, with much more force than needed, and fell backwards as his tail immediately came free. He landed with a thump over Kurogane's chest, and curled up around his tail.

"Owwieee~" he whimpered, "Nya~ that hurt! Ow, ow, ow…"

Kurogane immediately shoved him off, glaring. But when Fai merely rolled back onto his back, still curled around his injured tail, Kurogane felt bad. Just a little.

Just.

A.

Little.

"My tail…"

He caved with a sigh.

"C'mere," he murmured, and Fai crawled over to him, sniffing.

"It was an excellent tail too," he told Kurogane tearfully, "The most beautiful tail in all the world."

Kurogane wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.

"It's still the most beautiful tail in all the world," he soothed the kitty, "In all the _universe."_

"No, it isn't!" Fai wailed, distraught, "Not anymore!"

He held the end of his tail up between them.

"Look! It's crooked and ruffled now!"

Kurogane sighed again. He supposed that Fai could have _one_ kiss. A _tiny _one. Cradling the throbbing tail in his palms, he pressed a gentle kiss to the tip, and then began to carefully comb the purple fur back into the proper direction. With one last sniff, Fai settled into his side with a fierce pout, and Kurogane nibbled on a single fur-tipped ear. After a moment, the muscles thinly lining the vertebrae underneath purple fur relaxed, and Fai's tail straightened back out.

"There we go!"

With a satisfied purr, Fai butted his head up underneath Kurogane's chin in a distinctively feline manner. Kurogane leaned down, about to give those delectable looking lips a quick taste-test, when indignant watery spluttering interrupted him.

"Guys…" Syaoran choked, "A little—_pffleuugh! _A little help here?"

"You're not doing it right," came a strangely familiar voice in a deadpan, "You'll never get dry that way."

A young… man sat on a rock that protruded from the shore of what appeared to be a beach. There was a large hooked beak strapped to his stoic face, and his hawk-like eyes were intolerably bored of life and the universe. He wore a waistcoat, a captain's hat, and carried a pipe in one hand that he pointedly did not smoke. A fire burned in front of him. Around the rock, sea creatures of all kind danced around the rock, singing and dancing even as the waves washed over them every few seconds or so. Underneath their feet, a trampled Syaoran spluttered as he was trodden into the wet sand with every step.

"Doumeki?" he spluttered, squinting up at the man on the rock for a moment before a crab trod his face back into the sand.

"Actually," deadpanned the bird-man, "It's Dodo. Not Doumeki."

Fai strode over and pulled Syaoran easily upright.

"Whatever were you doing down _there?" _he asked, looking genuinely baffled.

Syaoran bristled.

"Do you _think _I wanted to be down there!?"

Doumeki let out a bored sigh as he _lifted the flame on the palm of his hand _out of the way of the next tide. Fai yelped and scuttled away from the wave.

"My feet are wet! My feet are wet!" he cried as he scrambled up a tree, hissing angrily at the water, "That's disgusting!"

"Easy," Doumeki sighed, "You're _almost _as wound up as the White Rabbit over there."

"I resent that, Dodo!" cried that black-haired boy as he disappeared into the nearby wood, twisting his ears dry, "If I weren't as late as I were, I'd beat your ungrateful ass!"

"Late! Late!" squealed a familiar voice, "Watanuki is late!"

The White Rabbit started, and pattered quickly away.

"Oh, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" he cried, "Her Highness will have my sake!"

"What?"

"A sea of sake! A lake of sake! She'll have all my sake! All before breakfast too!"

His cries faded away all too quickly. Kurogane got to his feet and picked his skirts up, out of the wet sand. He didn't care _too _much about his mother's nagging over the state of his dresses, but coming back with crumpled dresses was a lot different from coming back with torn, sandy dresses. He didn't want to invoke _too _much of his mother's wrath.

"Shiro manjuu!" he yelled, running towards the trees where they had disappeared, "Wait!"

Fai leapt deftly down from the tree, slinking along behind Kurogane. Syaoran stumbled dazedly after them, shaking the sand and water from his hair. He yelped as his tail got caught in a tree-root, and yanked it free. Scowling, the Dormouse neatly looped his tail around his arm, keeping it off the floor.

"You should do that too, you know," Kurogane told the Cheshire Cat with a little sniff as he peeked behind a tree for any trace of the manjuu, "It's only sanitary."

Fai's furry purple tail gave an irate little flick.

"My tail _is _sanitary," he protested, "It's the cleanest, most beautiful tail in all the universe. You said so yourself."

"I said it was beautiful, I never said it was clean."

"Well, it's clean too," Fai argued indignantly, "I groom my tail often like a good little kitty. I daresay I groom myself even more often than any other cat in the universe!"

Kurogane straightened up and peered inside a fallen, hollowed out trunk.

"And how the hell do you groom yourself with no shampoo nor soap nor any _civilized _bathing facilities for as far as I can tell?"

"Bathing facilities? Shampoo? Soap?" Fai repeated, "Has your dam never taught you how to groom yourself, little kit? I groom myself like all other cats do. Like this."

And then he lifted his tail to his mouth and licked the fur with long, flat strokes of his tongue. Kurogane yelped and darted over to snatch his tail out of his mouth.

"That's disgusting!"

"It's _sanitary."_

"No it's not! Who _knows _what kinda filth you've dragged your tail through!"

"That's why I'm _cleaning _it!"

"With your _tongue!"_

Syaoran sighed and seated himself on the log. It cracked under his weight, and he yelped as he landed on his ass. The other two ignored him.

"Yeauugh! I can't believe I was about to kiss you!" Kurogane yelped, gathering his skirts about himself indignantly, "That's disgusting!"

"I wouldn't want to kiss you anyway!" Fai retaliated, "You don't even groom yourself!"

"I do too! I'm a good little girl!" Kurogane protested, "Good little girls are always nice and clean. Good little girls always smell _nice, _like me. My nanny always scrubs me into the cleanest shade of little-girl pink. It hurts a little, but she _thinks _she can distract me with my rubber ducky."

Okay, so perhaps it _sort_ of worked the majority of the time. But… But! Kurogane's rubber ducky quacked! When he squeezed it!

Wait… Why was he thinking about this? He was in the middle of proving that he was the cleanest girl in the world! Because little girls were always clean!

"Whatever it is!" he concluded with a haughty sniff, "I'm the fucking cleanest little girl you'll ever find! My mother says good little girls always smell like fresh daisies. So I always smell like fresh daisies."

Fai leaned in close and pressed his nose into Kurogane's collarbone, taking a deep whiff of dark skin.

"You smell musky. Like a man," Fai informed him, pressing a little closely, "It's…sexy."

Kurogane shoved the blonde away before he gave into the temptation to slap him a third time. With an insulted little huff, he spun around, nose in the air. He abruptly found himself face-to-face (okay, not quite face-to-face, since the guy was pretty short) with a boy in a ridiculous pot-bellied suit and a red cap that sported a horrendous yellow flag. Kurogane took a startled step back into Fai, then abruptly remembered that _he groomed himself by licking himself all over, _and shoved Fai away. He shuddered at the thought that he had been pressed against Fai just now, against his skin that he had licked all over. _Ewwww, _Kurogane thought, flicking his handkerchief out again, _dried saliva._

He blinked as he caught sight of another identical figure out of the corner of his eye. Whipping back around with narrowed eyes, he realized that there were _two _of them, standing side by side. One was taller than the other, face more angular than the almost effeminate features of the shorter boy. They were both completely still.

"What strange little figures. Still as wax-works," Kurogane murmured as he leaned closer to read the tags on them, "Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum?"

"We're not goddamned wax figures," grumbled the shorter.

"Be nice, Kamui," the other said with a distinct air of amusement.

Kurogane took another step back, and this time did not move away when he backed into Fai again. He was the lesser of two evils here. Scowling, Kurogane picked his skirts up and curtsied politely like his etiquette teacher always told him to do.

"Well, it's been nice meeting you," he said insincerely, and polite-quota filled, straightened up, _"Bye."_

He spun around, pushing Fai in front of him as he called out to the Dormouse struggling upright against the smashed log, groaning pitifully.

"Dormouse, let's go."

He blinked, and suddenly the two ridiculous figures were standing in front of him again.

"Don't you want to… play a game?" Kamui sounded rather disgusted to be saying it himself. Kurogane smiled an insincere smile.

"Hehe… _No."_

He spun Fai around again, but there they were! In front of him once more!

"Let me tell you a story," coaxed the taller with a serene smile, "Once upon a time…"

He elbowed his companion in the ribs, and the suit gave a loud _squawk! _like a rubber ducky being squeezed. Kamui flailed but managed to regain his balance.

_"What?"_

"There was a Walrus," continued the other, "And a carpenter."

He elbowed the shorter boy in the ribs again, and the boy went flying to the side with another ridiculous _squawk!_

"Bastard!"

"Tell the story, Kamui!"

"I'm not telling that stupid story about the oysters one more time! I don't _care_ what Her Highness says!"

"She'll have our sake!"

"She can have it!"

Shrugging as if to say 'suit yourself', the taller boy turned to them, "Since Kamui doesn't want to tell the story, do you wanna to play the "Who's Kamui?" game?"

Kamui bristled, and shot his companion a sharp glare.

"I'm Kamui!" he declared obstinately,"_He's_ Fuuma! Don't listen to his nonsense!"

"Don't listen to _his _nonsense," Fuuma told them calmly, wrapping an arm around Kamui in a way distinctively patronizing, "He's still in denial that I'm his opposite star. He doesn't want to believe that I'm the Dark "Kamui". But it's alright, he'll have to see it one day."

_"Still _on this "Dark Kamui" bullshit?" Kamui snarled, struggling fruitlessly against the arm keeping his pinned to Fuuma's side, _"I'm _Kamui, you fucking moron!"

"Don't be silly_. I'm _Kamui."

"No, _I'm _Kamui!"

"I'm Kamui!"

"No, I am!"

_"Raarghh!"_

Kurogane watched with some distaste as Kamui tackled "Kamui" to the ground, bringing his tiny fists down with little finesse. _Quite _ungraceful, Kurogane thought with some distaste. Why, if he had his sword, he would show them how exactly battles were fought.

Wait… _what? _Good little girls didn't fight, especially not down and dirty in the dirt. Little girls recited poems and sang sweet little songs. Speaking of which… Kurogane frowned. There _was _a little rhyme about that, wasn't there?

"Isn't there a fucking rhyme about you?" he asked bluntly, scowling as he thought hard and long. What _was _the poem again?

Groaning, Syaoran finally managed to sit upright against the smashed remains of the log. Rubbing his head, he opened his mouth and recited obediently and somewhat groggily:

"Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee Agreed to have a battle; For Tweedle-dum said Tweedle-dee Had spoiled his nice new rattle.

"Just then flew down a monstrous crow, As black as a tar-barrel; Which frightened both the heroes so, They quite forgot their quarrel."

Kamui and "Kamui" blinked, stopping in their wrestling match to look over at the Dormouse.

"Well, there aren't any crows around here that I can see," Fai observed, shading his eyes with his hand as he stared up into the trees.

"I can't see any either," "Kamui" informed them, struggling to push himself up onto his feet; like an egg, he rolled over onto his back, "Oof!"

He rocked back, then rocked forcefully forward. The momentum of his rocking pushed him onto his feet. Beside him, Kamui was in much the same predicament.

"This suit is a fucking _disgrace!" _Kamui swore, rolling around in that round little suit of his, "I don't _care! _The queen can have my sake! All of it! I'm not spending a moment longer in this…" he faltered and, seemingly unable to conjure up a suitable adjective for his attire, concluded, _"This!"_

"Now, now, Kamui," soothed the other, bending down to yank Kamui to his feet, "We've managed to keep our sake for this long. Why surrender it to the queen now?"

"Isn't the suit a good enough reason?!"

"Kamui" strode over to a fallen Syaoran as Kamui brushed himself off disgruntledly, sticking his hand out.

"That was very well-recited," he informed the boy, "Handshake?"

Syaoran blinked dazedly, and then hesitantly reached for "Kamui"'s hand. With much more strength than necessary, "Kamui" yanked him roughly up. Kurogane yelped as he felt Kamui grab onto his hand.

"Come on then," he sighed, "We have to teach you how to do a handshake, or the queen will have our sake."

He grabbed onto a stumbling Syaoran's free hand, tugging him upright. Fuuma reached for Fai's hand, and the blonde complied, meowing excitedly as he snatched up Kurogane's other hand.

"Okay! To the right!"

Kurogane stumbled as he found himself being tugged violently to the right.

"Here we go round the mulberry bush, The mulberry bush, The mulberry bush. Here we go round the mulberry bush, So early in the morning!"

Kurogane smacked into Kamui as they stopped abruptly. Clapping his hands together in childish delight, Fai laughed and commanded, "Again! Again!"

"To the left now!"

Syaoran yelped as he found himself being tugged violently to the _left _now.

"Here we go round the mulberry bush, The mulberry bush, The mulberry bush. Here we go round the mulberry bush, So early in the morning!"

Kurogane smacked into Fai as they ground to a halt. Still laughing breathlessly, Fai bounced off of him and into Fuuma. With that, they were spinning off into another circle.

"Here we go round the mulberry bush, The mulberry bush, The mulberry—"

With a yelp and an almighty crash, Syaoran went tripping over his own feet. The two Kamuis snatched their hands away before he could yank them down with him, and Syaoran went tumbling ungracefully into the grass, where he flopped onto his back, completely dazed.

"Again?" Fai asked, pouting.

"No!" Kurogane yelled, yanking his hands free before they could begin spinning around again. His head was spinning, his dress was crumpled, and he was _quite _sick of all this nonsense.

"Why not?" whined the blonde kitty.

"Because that wasn't a handshake, it's not morning, and mulberries don't grow on fucking bushes!"

"They don't?" Fai asked.

"Of course they don't, dumbass!" Kurogane yelled, "They grow on fucking trees!"

Kamui cleared his throat.

"Then what _do _you want to play then?"

"I don't want to play at all!"

"What nonsense! A little girl who doesn't want to play games?"

That hit a sore spot with Kurogane, who'd had his little-girlinity called into question more times in the last quarter of an hour than he'd had in the entirety of his admittedly short little girl life!

"I play with my dollies like a good little girl!" he protested indignantly, "Little girls shouldn't be playing games like _this. _It gets you all dirty! No, good little girls like me play Tea-party and House."

Fai shrugged.

"Well, we've got to play _something."_

"Let's play the 'Who's Kamui' game!"

"No," Kamui said immediately.

"Yes!" Fuuma chirped, slinging one arm over the shorter's shoulders, "Don't be a spoilsport, Kamui."

"I am not," Kamui hissed, "This game is redundant because _everyone _knows that _I'm _Kamui."

"On the contrary, I do believe that _I _am Kamui."

"This isn't funny, Fuuma! _I'm _Kamui!"

"Well, I don't find it very funny either. _I'm _Kamui!"

Kurogane dragged Fai away by the wrist, stealing silently away into the nearby trees. With a yelp, Syaoran scrambled to his feet and scuttled after them, brushing twigs and grass off of himself and quickly looping his tail around his arm as he went. The increasingly violent sounding argument faded into silence behind them.

Some time later, a loud explosion had the trio turning back to scout for the source of the commotion. A pair of dragons circled the treetops amidst outraged cries of "Serpent! _Ser-_PENT!"

* * *

"Maru!"

Kurogane blinked.

_"Moro!"_

That voice….

"Where are those dratted girls? My gloves! I need my _gloves!"_

"That's the White Rabbit!"

"Mokona!" Syaoran exclaimed, perking up from where he had been draped over Kurogane's shoulder.

"Dinner!" Fai exclaimed from Kurogane's other shoulder.

Ignoring them both, Kurogane pushed through the last of the branches, poking his head out into what appeared to be the front lawn of a quaint little cottage. Before he could even get a good glimpse of his surroundings, the White Rabbit came running out of the front door.

"Oh me, oh my," he rambled feverishly, eyes fixed on his pocket-watch, "I'm late, I'm—_ugh!"_

He toppled over onto the ground as he smacked right into Kurogane.

"Watch it!" he yelled, feeling around the ground for his lost glasses, "People these days—"

He double-taked as he squinted up at Kurogane, blinking owlishly. Kurogane was tempted to tell him that his glasses were right by his hand.

_"Maru!" _the boy hollered, "What are you _doing _here? Go get my gloves! I'm late, I'm horribly _horribly _late!"

"What the fuck are you late for?"

"Go! My gloves!"

"But—"

"You're late, you're late!" squealed a high-pitched voice from within the White Rabbit's clothes, "Watanuki is late, late, late~!"

At the reminder, the White Rabbit started and snapped his pocket watch open. With a horrified squeak, he turned to Kurogane once more.

"I'm late! I'm late! My gloves!" the White Rabbit whipped a trumpet out of nowhere, blowing it in Kurogane's ear, "At once!"

"Alright, alright!" Kurogane yelled, jolting the Dormouse and the Cat on his shoulders as he jogged into the house, "Goodness, I'll be taking orders from my _cat _next!"

"You already take orders from me," Fai told him matter-of-factly.

Kurogane sighed.

"Not _you. _I meant _Dinah, _my little white kitty with a pink bow."

Fai stiffened as the "girl" began to ascend the stairs.

"You have another cat?" he hissed, sounding faintly betrayed.

"Didn't I just tell you so?"

A haughty sniff.

"You don't need him."

"_Her_," Kurogane corrected, "I said her name was _Dinah, _dumbass. Does that sound like a guy name to you?"

"_Her?!_"

Syaoran squirmed over Kurogane's shoulder.

"Ano," he began haltingly, "Kurogane-san… Fai-san…"

"Filthy little bitch," Fai muttered rebelliously.

"Dinah is not filthy!"

"I'll bet I'm cleaner. I'm the cleanest kitty in all the worlds."

"_You? _You _lick _yourself!"

"That's what good kitties do!"

"Ano—"

"It's disgusting!"

"It's sanitary!"

"Kurogane-san—"

"So you'd rather have that little bitch over _me?"_

"At least _Dinah _doesn't lick herself. My nanny gives her a bath everyday! And she's a _good _kitty! She's sweet and cuddly and I love her."

"_What!"_

"What?"

A solid kick to the abdomen had Kurogane doubling over and dropping both of his "passengers" to the ground. Syaoran yelped, winded, but Fai rolled deftly onto his feet, hackles raised as he hissed angrily at Kurogane.

"You… you _player!"_

Coughing, Kurogane straightened up, staring incredulously at the absolutely _furious _cat.

"W-what?

"You said you loved me!"

"When did I—"

"What? So now you're taking it back?!"

Kurogane found himself backing away slowly.

"What? No!"

Syaoran whimpered and began to crawl away slowly and inconspicuously.

"Liar! You sly bastard! You _seduced _me by telling me I was beautiful!"

"I didn't seduce—"

"You told me I had the most beautiful tail in the _universe!" _Fai wailed, "And I fell for it!"

"It's not—"

"But you had a mistress all along!"

"Dinah's not my mistress! She's my kitty!"

Fai conveniently ignored him.

"You player!" he accused, reaching for a vase and flinging it at Kurogane, "You _man-whore!"_

Kurogane ducked, and the vase shattered against the wall behind him. He supposed it wasn't exactly a good time to remind Fai that he couldn't be a _man-_whore because he wasn't a man, he was a little girl.

On the floor, the Dormouse squeaked and scrambled for shelter, giving up all efforts to be sneaky now that Fai's attention was clearly diverted.

"Maru?" shrieked the White Rabbit from the front lawn, "What are you _doing _up there? Bring me my gloves!"

"Man-whore! Cheater! _Player!"_

Having managed to crawl away unscathed, Syaoran crept under the bed and curled up with his arms over his head. A tea-cup shattered against the headboard, and in his rage, Fai lifted a table over his head. Kurogane _squeaked_ and threw himself to the ground as with a _crash! _the table smashed through the window and landed in the front lawn.

"Puu~! It's raining tables!"

_"Maru!"_

Kurogane held his hands up placatingly, collapsing backwards against the wall beside an ornate end-table and sliding down to the floor.

"Can we talk about this?"

With a thud, a knife buried itself in the wall beside his head, quivering slightly.

Kurogane snapped his mouth shut. Letting out a loud war-cry, Fai tackled him into a nearby table, ears quivering with rage and his tail swishing furiously. A silver tea-tray clattered to the floor amidst the smash of porcelain. Biting back a whimper, he attempted to crawl away with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

Fai dragged him back by the ankle.

White lights burst across Kurogane's vision Fai batted him repeatedly over the head with… something, but it did not obscure his vision enough that he did not see Fai bearing his teeth as if to bite him, eyes flickering into that feline yellow once more. Dazedly, he managed to grab something off the table, stuffing it into Fai's mouth as it gaped monstrously wide to eat him.

Fai blinked—

"Fai?"

—and swallowed.

"Tastes like chocolate fondant," he noted.

Abruptly, he began to shoot up towards the ceiling, enlarging, expanding, growing horrifically large. The furniture was shoved against the walls to make space for Fai's expanding girth. Kurogane cursed and scrambled up onto Fai's thigh before he could be smashed against the wall. On the other end of the room, Syaoran was less lucky as he was packed, still under the breaking bed, into a small corner. The house began to groan under the strain of Fai's size.

"Ugh!" came the White Rabbit's muffled voice, along with his quick pattering footsteps up the stairs, "Do I have to do everything _myself?"_

Letting out small panicked noises, Fai kicked frantically against the wall, forcing his arm out through one ruined window and smashing through another with his other arm. Enraged knocking issued from the door, blocked by Fai's foot, as the Cheshire Cat began to wail in pain, body compressed within the limited confines of the house. Winded and dazed, Kurogane blinked stupidly.

_"Maru!" _shrieked the White Rabbit, "Open the door! At once! _At—"_

Words cut off into wordless screaming as Fai's foot broke through the door and extended down the stairs. Kurogane turned around and caught sight of an enlarged purple hind-paw resting in the front lawn through the window. With one last shriek of pain, Fai's other leg burst through the wall. Yelping, Kurogane began to slide down the smooth striped cotton of Fai's shirt. He threw his arms around Fai's thick neck, legs kicking as he attempted to find some ground. Fai blinked, shifting around as he attempted to move and Syaoran _shrieked _as the bed snapped into half above him.

"Stop moving!" Kurogane bellowed, clinging desperately as he began to slide down again. Fai blinked again, and abruptly his face contorted into a horrible grimace, as if he were about to cry, "Oi, oi! Don't you _dare _cry, you fucking _cat! _You'll drown us all!"

With a loud mournful yowl, Fai strained against the walls of the house.

"I'm fat!" he wailed, "I'm _fat!"_

From the front-lawn:

"Monster! _Monster!" _screamed the White Rabbit, blowing his damned trumpet, "Help! _Hellpppppp!"_

"A monster, a monster~" sang the shiro manjuu, "A monster in Watanuki's house~!"

Kurogane lost the battle against gravity and slid down into Fai's lap. He tumbled over once, and landed on his back. Immediately, he yelped and found, to his relief, that his dress was still keeping his modesty intact. Goddamned tools of patriarchal oppression.

Above him, Fai was still sobbing dryly but distraughtly. Syaoran quivered in his little corner, praying fervently to whatever deities he'd heard of in his travels.

"Dodo!" came the White Rabbit's voice, "A monster! There's a monster in my house, Dodo!"

Sitting up, Kurogane peeked out of the window. The stoic man stood in the front-lawn beside a distressed White Rabbit. The manjuu bounced up and down between those white ears, singing and giggling.

"Ask me to help you."

The White Rabbit bristled.

"I'm not going to ask—"

"Then I'm going."

Dodo turned around, about to leave, but the White Rabbit flung his arms around his retreating back.

"Don't you_ dare! _Get that monster out or the queen will have _all _of our sake!"

"Watanuki is late~!"

A crowd of other animals came running from around the corner with pitchforks and lighted torches. Some of them began to fling stones at the house. Fai began to yowl again as the stones glanced painfully off his arms and legs. The windows undamaged by Fai shattered under the onslaught of pebbles as Kurogane popped his head out of the window.

"Stop throwing those _fucking_ stones!" he bellowed, "You're hurting him!"

"Dodo! Get it out! Get it out!" shrieked the White Rabbit, "I'm late! How do I get it out, Dodo? Out, out! _Ouuuutt!"_

_"Stop throwing stones!"_

Syaoran whimpered under the broken bed, and began to pray more fervently as Fai continued to yowl.

A moment's pause. Then:

"Burn the house down."

_"What?!"_

"Burn the house down~!" parroted the manjuu.

"Burn the house down!" chorused the other animals.

_"No!" _shrieked the White Rabbit.

"We need a match," Dodo deadpanned.

"No matches! No fire! _No burning my house down!"_

"I'm going to die here!" Fai howled, beginning to struggle desperately, "They're gonna burn me to death!"

Another onslaught of pebbles shattered through the windows and landed in Fai's lap. Kurogane yelped as he was pelted with them and fell over.

"Oi!" he hollered, adjusting his skirts again, "Don't burn the fucking house!"

_Another _onslaught of pebbles was his answer.

"Burn the house down, burn the house down~!"

"A match, a match! We need a match!"

"No matches!" shrieked the White Rabbit, "No—_oh!"_

Confused, Kurogane popped his head out of the window, curious as to the sudden silence.

"I'm _late!"_ shrieked the White Rabbit, "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! Oh me, oh my, oh… Late, late, _late!"_

"Late, late, late~!" Mokona parroted.

Kurogane lurched back as Fai moved beneath him, still wailing inconsolably. With a yelp, he toppled over again, and blinked. Those were… He rubbed at his eyes, but the tiny little cakes were still there, scattered over Fai's lap. More pebbles shattered through the window, turning immediately into cakes. _What?_

"Burn the house! Burn the house!"

He dumped a couple handfuls of the cakes into his lap, and picked his dress up so that they were pooled in the blue fabric of his skirts. He clambered up Fai's torso again, uncaring of whether or not he was flashing his bloomers at them in the face of the threat of being burnt to death.

"I'm going to die!" Fai sobbed, "I'm going to—"

Kurogane stuffed a handful of the cakes into his mouth, effectively shutting the man up. Fai blinked.

"Oh!"

And abruptly began to shrink. Kurogane yelped as he toppled off the shrinking cat, cakes scattering to the floor. He immediately caught sight of the Dormouse's quivering foot sticking out from underneath the broken bed and grabbed onto it. Syaoran _shrieked _as he was dragged out from under the bed; Kurogane shut him up by stuffing another cake into his mouth. That done, he felt along the floor for one more cake, and then popped it into his mouth. He made a face; it was sweet.

"Wait, White Rabbit! Where are you going?"

"I'm late! I'm late!" came the White Rabbit's distressed voice, "Good day, neighbors. I'm late, I'm late!"

As the room began to enlarge around him, Kurogane snatched a tea-tray off a table on his way down and fell over under its weight. The first thing he saw when he managed to roll to his feet was a winded Syaoran, struggling to get up off the floor. He snatched the boy up by the back of his shirt, tossing him carelessly onto the makeshift sled as he scanned the room for the Cheshire Cat; Fai was dusting himself off near the door. As Syaoran began to crawl to his feet on the tray, Kurogane tilted it up by one end (Syaoran fell over again with a screech) and ran forward with a loud bellow, heading straight for Fai. The blonde in question started and turned around— just in time to have his feet knocked out from under him; he fell unrepentantly atop a wailing Syaoran as Kurogane charged out of the door. He flung himself onto the tea-tray as well as they reached the top of the stairs.

Syaoran _screamed_, clawing at Fai's shirt as the tea-tray _flewwwwww _through the air. And then with a earth-shattering _clang! _it bounced off one of the stairs and flew upwards once more. _Clang! Clang! Clang! _went the tea-tray as it surfed down the stairs, carrying on its back a mouse, a cat, and a little "girl".

"I'm not fat anymore!_" _Fai sang, throwing his hands into the air, "I'm not fat anymore!"

_"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" _Syaoran shrieked, bloodshot eyes bulging out of his skull.

The tea-tray flipped over when it rocketed out the door and onto the front-lawn, sending its passengers flying. Kurogane deftly broke his fall in a neat tumble, coming up on his feet. Fai giggled as he skidded forward on his rump. Syaoran was not so lucky, his tormented cries were cut off as he face-planted into the grass. Kurogane picked both of them up by the back of their shirts and ran forward, towards the gate swinging on its hinges.

"Oi!" he bellowed, ignoring Fai's dizzy giggling and Syaoran's traumatized screaming as he sprinted between stampeding paws for that gate, "Shiro manjuu! Wait!"

Kurogane tossed both of his companions over each shoulder and sprinted after the departing White Rabbit. The ground trembled alarmingly and the "little girl" darted to the side as a fox's paw stomped down where they had been just moments ago.

Fai catcalled. Syaoran squeaked and went limp over Kurogane's shoulder.

Ignoring them, Kurogane sprinted the last of the distance and slid under the gate before running headlong into a forest of towering flowers. Behind them, the chorusing cheers of "burn the house!" grew gradually distant, until the chaos eventually died down into the peaceful chirping of cicadas.

* * *

**A/N: ****If you didn't read my first note at the beginning of the fic, this is a sequel to my crack-fic The Stroke of Midnight, that you do not have to read to understand this. Thanks for 70+ faves! I only hope this fic will get half that response ^^; For the sake of flow, footnotes, and ease of reading, I have split Down the Manjuu Hole into three chapters although it was originally meant to be a oneshot. Here comes the notes. I've split them according to series, so if you've read/watched the series, skip to the ones you haven't. I'm trying my best not to spoil.**

**X1999: Kamui and Fuuma are Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. This is because in X1999, they are twin/opposite stars (as Fuuma was saying). They each lead the opposing teams that fight to determine the outcome of the Apocalypse on the Final Day. The team that fights for the destruction of humanity is the Dragons of Earth, the Seven Angels, and the team that fights for its salvation is the Dragons of Heaven, the Seven Seals. As the leaders, they are known as Kamui, so Fuuma is the "Dark Kamui" as he has taken to referring to himself as in the manga.**

**xxxHolic: Dodo, as Syaoran identified, is Doumeki. Watanuki is the White Rabbit. I'm sure you can guess who the Queen is by now. If not, you'll find out later. In the manga, Watanuki is constantly pestered by ghouls and monsters. Doumeki is the only one who is able to chase the ghouls and monsters away, but in one particular episode, Doumeki is unable to intervene unless Watanuki asks him to help him. But Watanuki is unable to swallow his pride and ask for help from Doumeki for the majority of the episode.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: All of three inches tall, the travelers wander into the Duchess' estate.**

**Warnings: Kuro. In. A. Dress. Established Kurofai, SakuSyao. Implied Seisub, Hokuto/Kakyou and Douwatain this chapter, with references (and some inside jokes that you might have to refer to the author's notes at the end to understand) to both X1999 and xxxHolic. Follows somewhat the storyline of Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland, largely inspired by the Disney film adaptation (because I grew up on that movie)... Anything else? Oh, Syaoran-torture, jealous-somewhat-OOC-hell-hath-no-fury-like-Fai and Kurogane-who-thinks-and-insists-that-he's a-little-girl.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own TRC, xxxHolic, Tokyo Babylon, X1999, Cardcaptor Sakura, Dukylon, RG Veda... Any CLAMP series. I'm not CLAMP. Because Seisub wouldn't have ended the way it did, X1999 would be finished, TRC would become a NC-17 yaoi manga... And xxxHolic would _not _have ended that way. I do not own Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, the Wizard of Oz, any other fairytales that happen to come up or that there are references too... And I do not own the songs from any of the movie adaptions.**

**Notes: This is a sequel to my previous crackfic (That had a rather overwhelming response for a oneshot. Thanks for 70++faves!), The Stroke of Midnight. If you'd like to read it, go find it on my profile. The link's up there ^. There are some references to the Stroke of Midnight in Down the Manjuu Hole, and these _may_ blow right over your head/not seem as funny to you unless you've read it. But all in all, you can still read Down the Manjuu Hole without reading the Stroke of Midnight, because these references are few, and you'll probably still find the dialogue reasonably funny (I hope) without recognizing the re-quotes, references, and parallels to the Stroke of Midnight. This was meant to be a oneshot, but I've decided to split it into three chapters due to the length and also for the purpose of adding footnotes, because I make a lot of references to other CLAMP stories in this fic. It is likely to be as long, or perhaps even longer than the Stroke of Midnight.**

* * *

It was when they stumbled into a forest of flowers that Kurogane sighed and gave the White Rabbit up as lost. Again.

"Kuro-chan, Kuro-chan!" Fai called, good mood seemingly restored, "Syao-chan's passed out!"

Heaving another sigh, Kurogane shrugged them unceremoniously off his shoulders and onto the ground. Fai's giggling cut off abruptly as he landed on the ground on his rump.

"Owww~" he groaned, "Nya, nya, nya, nya~ The ground is _hard."_

Kurogane prodded at the limp Syaoran with his foot. The Dormouse was limp and unresponsive, but his amber eyes were wide open. Fai crawled over and poked at the Dormouse as well, but those amber eyes remained blank and unseeing.

"What's wrong with him?" Fai asked, continuing to prod.

Kurogane shrugged.

"Beats me."

A pause.

"Can I eat him?"

Growling with another strange surge of possessiveness, Kurogane wrenched the Cheshire Cat away from the unconscious Dormouse.

"There's something wrong with him and you want to _eat _him without finding out what's wrong with him first?"

"Nya, nya~" Fai meowed complainingly, "Then let's find out what's wrong with him so I can eat him."

"Ano… I think he's catatonic."

"Catatonic?" Fai asked, "Like cat's tonic? So I can eat him?"

Both of them started. Kurogane whipped around suspiciously.

"Who's there?"

"Ah…err…me."

"Who?"

"Me."

Now even Fai was prowling around, searching the source of the voice out in curiosity. Meanwhile, Kurogane stared at a small bunch of what appeared to be flowering white honeysuckles, baffled. He was _quite _sure he'd heard the voice coming from _there, _but…but that was silly. Flowers couldn't talk— He jumped back, yelping in surprise as abruptly, there was movement in the centre of one of those clusters, like lips moving in time to the voice that rang out.

"Ano… I'm over here. Catatonia is a mental state of mind. I think he's been shocked into it by some traumatic event."

"Wahhh~" Fai gasped delightedly, "A talking flower!"

A giggle rang out from behind them, and they spun around to see a tall sunflower, leaves a-quivering with suppressed mirth.

"Of course we're talking flowers," said a disgruntled peach blossom…_bush? _"Have you ever seen _un-_talking flowers?"

"Plenty," Kurogane returned, prodding suspiciously at the peach blossom, "All the flowers _I've _ever seen don't ever talk."

(And all the peach blossoms I've ever seen don't ever grow on bushes, he added in his head.)

"Hontou ni?" asked the sunflower, "Perhaps their flower-beds are too soft."

Kurogane jumped once; the impact of his feet on the ground was surprisingly jarring.

"Why is the ground so fucking _hard?"_

"Well," sighed a beautiful branch of flame of the forest, "If it were soft, we'd all fall asleep, and you'd never hear us talking!"

"I suppose that's why _your _flowers never talk," a moonflower said haughtily, "They're all forever asleep."

"You're one to talk, Yue," scoffed the peach blossoms, "You're always asleep."

"Kyaa~!" Fai cried, stroking the petals of the preening honeysuckle, "So many talking flowers!"

Ignoring him, Kurogane dragged the "catatonic" Dormouse over to the honeysuckle that had spoken first.

"What can we do to get him to snap out of it?"

The honeysuckle rustled a little.

"Ah!" it said, leaning over the boy, "Well. I've known two people who've been catatonic but—but that was before I got turned into a flower."

"You got turned into a flower?" Kurogane spluttered, "By _who?"_

"Ah… It was… uh…" the honeysuckle stuttered, still embarrassed, "It was my sister, the Febuary Bear."

"Your _sister?!"_

"Shouldn't it be the March Hare?" Syaoran muttered quietly to himself, and was unheard.

"It was an accident!" defended the honeysuckle vehemently, "She didn't mean to. She didn't mean to turn _any _of us into flowers! It's because she's a little… you know…"

"Mad," supplied the moonflower flatly.

"Anyway!" the honeysuckle continued hastily, "Once she realizes I'm missing, she'll definitely come to turn us all back!"

"You've been saying that for two months straight," the peach blossom muttered.

"I think the Febuary Bear is a little too… mentally preoccupied," the flame of the forest said a little more tactfully, "To notice that we're all gone."

"I'm sure she'll come!" the sunflower assured the honeysuckle hastily, "She loves you more than life itself!"

Kurogane cleared his throat, gesturing at the catatonic Dormouse.

"My friend?" he prompted, "How do I make him wake up?"

"Well, I'm a flower now so I can't reach into his mind," the honeysuckle said sheepishly, "But we can try this."

And with that, it began to rustle itself over Syaoran's face. Pollen began to fall like glitter. Soon enough, the rest of the flowers began to follow suit, flooding the entire area with golden dust. Fai wrinkled his nose, and sneezed. Also beginning to sneeze, Kurogane flicked his handkerchief out and covered his nose and mouth with it, eyes watering. Fai was not so lucky. Whining loudly, he rolled onto his back, rubbing at his burning eyes with his paws. Finally, when Kurogane was beginning to choke out, "stop! stop!" the Dormouse spasmed. They froze, watching the catatonic boy as the pollen began to settle. Abruptly, Syaoran catapulted upright.

_"Aaaahhtishoooo!"_

"He's awake! He's awake!"

Syaoran rubbed his nose, eyes watering.

"Whabt?" he asked, somewhat nasally, "Whabt jubst habbened?"

In unison, the flowers began to flutter their leaves, and the pollen was slowly blown away. Kurogane helped by flapping his handkerchief.

"Now," the flame of the forest said in a motherly tone, "What did you seedlings come running in here in such a hurry for?"

"We're looking for dinner!" Fai chirped, but Kurogane waved him off.

"We're looking for the White Rabbit," he said instead.

The sunflower perked up.

"The White Rabbit?" she asked, giggling, "He passed by just now, saying something about Dodo again. It's so nice to see that Dodo and the White Rabbit are such good friends."

"Mokobna?" Syaoran asked, attempting to blow his nose on a fallen brown leaf, "Where? Where'b she go?"

"That way," said the sunflower.

"That way," said the honeysuckle.

"That way," said the flame of the forest.

"That way," said the moonflower.

"That way," said the peach blossom.

Kurogane stared.

_They were all pointing their leaves in completely different directions._

"Ara," Fai murmured, tilting his head to one side, "Which way?"

The flowers argued amongst themselves in hushed voices for a moment as the three travelers looked on. Finally, the flame of the forest spoke up, looking uncomfortable.

"It seems that… we cannot quite remember. After all, our memory-spans have not quite been what it used to since we've turned into flowers—_but!" _she added quickly, catching the look on Kurogane's face, "But… we know who you can go to."

"The Caterpillar," the moonflower deadpanned.

"He knows everything," the sunflower chirped, smiling uncertainly.

"Though we wouldn't usually recommend someone see him," murmured the honeysuckle.

The travelers blinked, confused.

"But why not?" Fai asked.

"He's batty," said the peach blossoms bluntly.

"Batshit crazy," sighed the flame of the forest.

"He err…" the honeysuckle began, clearing his throat, "Wants to overthrow Her Highness."

Kurogane made an incredulous face.

_"Ah?"_

"A _caterpillar?_" Fai confirmed, "Wants to overthrow the queen?"

"Told you he was crazy…"

"But he _does _know everything so… if you want to know anything, you should definitely ask him."

"Which way?" Kurogane asked in a grunt.

"That way."

Thankfully, they all pointed in the same direction this time. Kurogane tugged the Dormouse to his feet and set off in the indicated direction.

"Wait!" cried the sunflower, "Remember to give the sakura a wide berth!"

"Sakura?" Syaoran asked, perking up, then frowned, "But why?"

"They are quite…" the flame of the forest appeared to look around before bending over them, to whisper in a gossipy tone, "_Murderous."_

"Sakura?_" _repeated the Dormouse incredulously, "_Murderous?"_

"They say the Duchess waters them with the blood of his victims!" the flame of the forest warned them in a ferocious whisper, waving her leaves around vehemently.

"He's a psycopath!"

"His Ladyship's not _that _bad…" the honeysuckle whimpered reproachfully.

"You only say that cause he favors you," intoned the moonflower, sounding quite unamused.

"You're lucky your sister turned you into a rare, exotic plant," the peach blossoms told him, waving its branches, "You get all the fertilizer."

"But honeysuckles aren't that rare…" Kurogane said, half to himself, quite baffled.

The...dubiously-a-honeysuckle's reaction was quite immediate.

"I'm not a honeysuckle!" wailed the… not honeysuckle, flapping his leaves in distress, "Don't you know that foreign honeysuckles are invasive species?! I'm not a weed! I'm not!"

"Of course you're not a weed," soothed the flame of the forest, "You're a very beautiful flower. A very rare and exotic flower too."

"If you're not a honeysuckle, then what are you?" Kurogane asked bluntly and quite tactlessly.

"I happen to be the sole member of the Heptacodium genus!" the… sole member of the Heptacodium genus said, with a modest amount of pride, "I'm an endangered species and am under second-class national protection in China!"

"Heptacodium miconioides?" Syaoran inquired politely, as scholarly as always, "I _knew_ you had too many flowers in a cluster to be a honeysuckle!"

"Hit-the-podium Michael what now?"

"Heptacodium miconiodes," recited the Dormouse diligently, "An endangered species endemic to China and the sole member of the genus Heptacodium. It is commonly known as the Seven sons flower and is a ornamental plant with a beautiful fragrance."

"Hush," the sunflower teased, "He's blushing."

And so he was. Even as they watched with wide eyes, the white petals began to fall off to reveal beautiful, long fuchsia leaves cradling each flower.

"Oh no! Is he dying?!" Fai cried.

"No, the most spectacular feature of the Heptacodium miconiodes," Syaoran rambled, looking quite enraptured by the display, "is the red sepals, arguably more beautiful than the flowers themselves, that are revealed when the white petals begin to fall off in preparation for winter. The Heptacodium miconiodes, or the Seven Sons flower, is known for being a good winter plant, as well as being extremely attractive in the summer and autumn while most flowers bloom in the spring."

Kurogane somewhat confusedly noted that against all logic, the other flowers were all blooming and it was clearly not summer or autumn.

"The Duchess pampers you," the peach blossom said, a little warningly, "You'd better watch out. I think the sakura are getting jealous because he's neglecting them to come here and stroke your petals."

"The Duchess is a little creepy…" the sunflower admitted.

"If the "Duchess" is a he, then why is he a Duchess and not a Duke?" Fai asked curiously.

"Who knows?" the moonflower said with a little shrug.

"The Caterpillar, probably," said the… Heptacodium miconiodes innocently.

"…That was a rhetorical question."

With a cry, Kurogane abruptly smacked himself in the forehead—"Ow!" he paused, "That fucking hurt!"

"…You thought it wouldn't?"

Ignoring the remark, Kurogane absently slung his companions one over each shoulder. "The Caterpillar!" he cried as he began to march away with single-minded focus, "We need to find him!"

"Bye byeeee~" Fai sing-songed from Kurogane's shoulder, "Kuro-neanderthal says thank you!"

"Don't worry!" Syaoran called back to them, "If we meet the March Hare— _I mean the February Bear!_ we'll definitely tell her to come save you!"

"I have a feeling he'd rather stay here with the Duchess…" the peach blossoms muttered rebelliously.

"Hush!" the flame of the forest hissed amidst spluttering protests from the… Heptacodium miconiodes, _thwack! _ing the peach blossom with a well-aimed pod.

* * *

It took them about twenty minutes of wandering through dense grass (and quickly backtracking when they almost ran into an orchard of sakura trees) before they stumbled upon a small "clearing" in the grass. In retrospect, the flowers could definitely have afforded to be a little more descriptive when providing them with directions, but Kurogane doubted all their flowery little heads put together could remember enough to give them much more than that.

The Caterpillar was…. a strangely familiar figure lounging over a throne-shaped mushroom, smoking a hookah and periodically pushing his monocle up his face. Everything about the man was familiar, from his owlish hair and his sideburns peppered with white, down to the cleft in his chin and even his damn monocle. But try as he might, Kurogane was unable to summon up any detailed recollections of the man aside from a strange hostility. Syaoran, on the other hand, appeared to have no such difficulties.

_"You!" _he cried, and reached for his side, faltering when his hands grasped at air. For a moment, he looked hilariously confused, then he scowled. _"Shit!" _he swore, "Mokona has my sword!"

"So you know him?" Kurogane asked, "Who the hell is he?"

"On the contrary," the caterpillar drawled self-importantly, pausing leisurely to take a long draw from a hookah, "I think the question is, who are _you?"_

Kurogane wrinkled his nose in distaste as smoke billowed into his face. How rude! His impression of the caterpillar further plummeted when his olfactory receptors finally connected to his brain.

"Don't you brush your fucking teeth?!" he demanded, flicking out his handkerchief and covering his nose with it, "You have terrible breath!"

With a haughty sniff, the caterpillar turned his face away and took another draw from his hookah.

"I'm going to overthrow the queen and rule Wonderland," he informed them, and Kurogane scowled as another haze of smoke wafted into their faces, "I have no time for such… _trivialities."_

"And you thought _I _was unsanitary," Fai muttered to him, clearly still sore over the slight to his cleanliness.

Kurogane ignored him.

"You know where the White Rabbit is?" he asked bluntly, jumping straight to the point. He wasn't too keen to remain in the presence of this pretentious, unsanitary man for too long. He was probably swarming with _germs. _And both of his companions appeared to be rather unsettled by the man as well, though Syaoran seemed a little further along the spectrum of discomfort. As a matter of fact, he seemed to be veering more towards the extreme of foaming-at-the-mouth-panic-attack.

"Why, Syaoran-kun!" Fai exclaimed, "What's the matter? You're foaming at the mouth!"

Syaoran gargled incoherently in response.

"I asked if you knew where the White Rabbit was," Kurogane repeated impatiently.

"That remains to be seen," the caterpillar droned pretentiously, "Why don't you answer a question of mine first?"

"First come first served," retorted the little 'girl', "I asked first, so why don't _you _answer my question before I answer yours?"

"Why?"

"It's only polite."

"Why?"

"How the fuck should I know?!" Kurogane snapped, and began the deep breathing exercises his etiquette teacher had taught him as the caterpillar only took another drag from his hookah.

"You shouldn't. That's exactically the point," he finally informed Kurogane, with another puff of smoke, "I'm the one who Knows it all. Not you."

"And that's why we're asking _you, _All-knowing One," Fai chirped up, having finished propping the Dormouse up against a nearby stalk of grass, " 'Tis because you know and we don't and we _recognize your wisdom and superiority."_

As the caterpillar immediately perked up, Kurogane wondered just how Fai was able to hit the nail on people's complexes and appropriately stroke their egos every damn time.

"And I do so appreciate worms—" Kurogane was tempted to tell him that it was rather that _he _was the worm, and not them, "—who recognize their own inferiority in the face of _my _superiority."

"So won't you tell us, All-knowing One?" Fai implored, "Where my dinner—err, I mean the White Rabbit has gone? (Together with the manjuu?)"

The Caterpillar took a especially long draw from his pipe, so long that Kurogane was beginning to contemplate coercion and torture by the time he opened his mouth again.

"The White Rabbit is a servant of the Queen," he said finally, "Right now, he should be returning to the Tower of Hearts, where the Queen resides."

"And where exactically—exacti—exact—_precisely!" _Kurogane finally bellowed, "Where _precisely _is that?!"

"If I Knew," the caterpillar drawled, somewhat unsuccessfully attempting to hide his sourness behind another drag of his hookah, "I would have overthrown her long ago."

_"I thought you said you knew it all!"_

That appeared to hit a sore spot. The caterpillar drew himself up to his full (and rather unimpressive, Kurogane daresay) height, aura distinctively murderous.

"Foolish little girl!" he boomed in a deep voice, "I _do _Know all! And that is why I Know someone who can tell you where it is!"

"Oh who? All-knowing One?" piped Fai, and evidently the title calmed the caterpillar, because he slowly settled back down into his lazy sprawl, taking another drag from his hookah.

"The Mad Hatter," he said finally.

"And where can we find him, All-knowing One~?"

"Correctically, the Mad Hatter is a _her. _You can find her at the Big Temple of Tao."

Kurogane cut in before the conversation could progress any further. "But I don't _want _to be around mad people!" he whined, stomping his foot and scowling.

And what _would_ his nanny say if she could see him now? Only naughty little girls stomped like spoilt princesses, good little girls acted like the mature young ladies they were. Reminding himself of that, he fought back his frustration and smoothed his dress down. With a long breath, he straightened up, the very image of dignified ladyship.

"Then you can try the February Bear_._"

The porcelain exterior shattered and out came the fiery monster, Frustration, rearing its ugly head and baring its fearsome fangs as Kurogane gave in to the unsuppressible urge to stomp his foot again.

"But the flowers said she was mad _too!" _

"Stop your incessant whining!" the caterpillar snapped, "Do _I _Know all or do you?!"

"You do, you do," Fai assured him hastily, and shot Kurogane a warning glare before turning back to the caterpillar with a pleasant smile, "Where can we find the February Bear? We have… an errand to run."

The caterpillar sniffed, but appeared placated by the damn cat's flattery.

"She belongs to a family descending from the emperors of old," he told them, with the distinctive air of one spouting lots of irrelevant trivia so as to seem particularly intelligent, "Her family home is in The Capital—"

"So what's the name of the capital?" Kurogane interrupted sullenly.

"If you would kindly refrain from interrupting…" the caterpillar hissed, "It's The Capital."

"I know, but what's the name of—"

"It's name is The Capital, you buffoon!"

"So the name of the capital is The Capital?"

"It's not the capital!"

"What do you mean it's not The Capital? You just said it's name was The Capital!"

"No! I mean that The Capital is not the capital!"

"That doesn't make any—"

"The place named The Capital is not the capital of this country," Fai cut in finally, "Is that right?"

"What he said," sniffed the caterpillar, "It's a shame that a cat can be smarter than a human girl."

"Hey!"

"So she lives in The Capital?"

"No, I said her _family home _was in The Capital, Kyoto-shi," he sighed, "If you would only _listen _I would have told you that the February Bear lives in the capital," as Kurogane opened his mouth, he added, "—of this country! She lives in the inner ring of Tokyo surrounding the Tower of Hearts, where the Seven Seals all lived. But the Seals have all been abducted by various people and no longer live there."

"So the February Bear is a seal?" Kurogane demanded, confusion making the frustration emerge once more, "I thought she was a bear?"

"No, she is _not_ a seal!" the caterpillar yelled, "And she's not a Seal either! She just happens to live with one of the Seals, but he's gone now!"

What a foolish caterpillar, Kurogane thought, if she wasn't a seal, then she _clearly _wasn't a seal! His English teacher told him that the use of 'either' implied a choice between two options, but what options could there be when a not-seal was obviously _not a seal?! _He was tempted to question the caterpillar's grasp of the English language, but as if sensing that, Fai glared at him. _What? _The damned cat was supposed to be on _his _side! Fai was _his _lover!

"Gone?" Fai questioned politely, and the fact that he was ignoring Kurogane only made him more sullen, "What do you mean gone?"

"Didn't I say the Seals have all been abducted by various people!? He's currently basking in the Duchess' bed!"

"So he's the Duchess' lover?" Kurogane demanded, "I thought he was a seal? That's bestiality!"

"_Flower _bed!"

_"Hah? _What's a seal doing in a flower b—"

"Wow! You do know all!" Fai interrupted worshipfully, "You truly are the one Know-It-All!"

Kurogane spluttered at the barb, but the caterpillar seemed oblivious. In fact, he puffed himself up like a preening bird, and his lips took on a distinctively smug curl.

"I appreciate a worm who recognizes that I am the one who knows it all."

"And you _do _know it all, oh All-knowing One~! How else would you have known that we'd find her in _Tokyo. _Oh what a revela—"

"No," the caterpillar cut in, "Nowadays she's always at the Big Temple of Tao, having tea ceremonies with the Mad Hatter."

"…What."

"I said—"

"I heard you the first time," Kurogane snapped, "So in the end we _still _have to go to the goddamned temple?!"

"Are you deaf or are you daft? Did you not hear me say—"

"Did _you _not hear _me_ say that I heard you the first time?" he interrupted again, all manners forgotten in the face of his rising fury, "Why didn't you just tell us that both of them were at—"

"And where may we find the Big Temple of Tao, Great One?" Fai loudly spoke over him, stepping in front of him with a large, grand gesture.

"I've answered enough questions," the caterpillar declared, "Now answer mine."

Kurogane stomped his foot and barely suppressed the urge to throw himself down on the ground, pound his fists and kick angrily while _shrieking _at the top of his lungs at the sheer _indignity _of life and the universe. Quite admirably, he hid his frustration under a veneer of serenity, clenching his hands in his skirts and suppressing his frustrated into a contained, "What's your _fucking_ question?"

The caterpillar sniffed haughtily.

"Keep. Your. Temper."

_"What's your fucking question?!_"

"Oh Great One," Fai quickly and loudly tacked to the end of Kurogane's sentence, and Kurogane felt the overwhelming urge to tackle the cat to the floor and… and do _what? _Either strangle him into silence or fuck him until he couldn't do anything but mewl and—_where did those scandalous thoughts come from?! _

"You should learn from the cat, _girl." _

Kurogane was too dismayed at his own _filthiness _to respond to the insult_. _Tainted! Corrupted! Oh what would his sister say to know that his little girl innocence had been _desecrated _by such impure thoughts! What would his _mother _say?

"What _exactically _is his problem?" the caterpillar's voice drifted to him from what seemed like galaxies away. Through a haze of angst and horror, Kurogane saw him gesturing carelessly at Syaoran.

"Well, I suppose he's just upset," Fai said, a little helplessly.

"That much is evident," the caterpillar gritted out, "I mean over _what?"_

"Over our current state?" the cat replied, the unsure lilt at the end of his sentence making it sound more a question than an answer, "We weren't always like this. We got shrunk down, and he's just been through a lot since then."

"And what's so upsetting about being shrunk down?" the caterpillar asked, frustration beginning to color his voice as his 'vast intellect' failed to grasp the concept.

"What's not to be upset about?" Kurogane heard himself intoning in a dead voice, "After all, three inches is quitea wretched height to be."

"WHAT."

Kurogane opened his mouth robotically even as Fai frantically gestured at him to shut the flying fuck up.

"I said—"

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM EXACTICALLY THREE INCHES TALL AND I BELIEVE IT IS A VERY GOOD HEIGHT _INDEED."_

"Well, if you really thought so, you wouldn't have such a superiority complex and be obsessed with overthrowing the queen," Kurogane countered serenely, holding back all unladylike remarks on the probable size of the caterpillar's unmentionables, "Napolean was a really short too."

"How _dare _you!"

The caterpillar lunged for Kurogane, or more accurately _attempted _to lunge. In reality, the chunk of mushroom he was using as a precarious handhold broke off, and he toppled from his throne and plopped to the ground, where he struggled against his own massive girth to get at them. ("I'm so glad I'm not fat anymore," Fai commented off-handedly.) But Syaoran seemed unconcerned with the general harmlessness of their assailant. With a frothing wail, he threw himself at the caterpillar.

And _bit _him.

The sudden disgust at the sight snapped Kurogane out of his haze of self-loathing and loss of moral identity. All disgust for himself was washed away by sympathetic disgust on Syaoran's behalf.

"Oi!" he yelped, scandalized, "That guy doesn't even brush his teeth! That's unsanitary!"

"Get him off me! Get him off me!" cried the caterpillar, and Kurogane complied, not out of any particular benevolent feelings towards the caterpillar, but more out of aforementioned disgust on the Dormouse's part. The brunette had particularly strong teeth to be able to latch on like that, Kurogane thought to himself as he tugged at the boy's ankles to no avail. With much meowing, Fai grabbed onto the boy and contributed his own formidable strength.

They tumbled backwards as Syaoran finally let go amidst ungodly shrieking from the caterpillar. In the chaos and confusion and the general loosening of holds from their unexpected impact with the unforgiving ground, Syaoran broke free and lunged for the caterpillar once more.

With a chalkboard-scratching scream, the caterpillar batted him over the head once with his hookah, successfully deterring him for the barest of moments, and then stuffed a chunk of the mushroom into the Dormouse's yawning maw. Yelping, Kurogane darted forward and began to smack the brunette on the back as hard as he could—and that was very hard indeed.

"Spit it out! Spit it out!" he roared, "Don't you know strange polka-dotted mushrooms are most likely poisonous?!"

"He _bit_ me!" bitched the caterpillar, "He bit_ me!"_

"Spit it out!" Kurogane continued, "Out, I say! Out, damned— _gahhhhhh!"_

Fai tugged him away as Syaoran began to shoot up, up, _up. _His head burst through the canopy of the tree.

"_Serpent!" _came a familiar piercing shriek from within the leaves, "Ser-PENT!"

"It's that growing thing again!" Kurogane exclaimed over the caterpillar's wailing, and lunged for the mushroom.

"More Serpents?! Are the Kamuis fighting again?!"

"I'm not a serpent, ma'am!" came Syaoran's cry from above, "I'm just a little boy! There's no need to panic!"

"That's what they all say!" screeched the voice, "Then start the earthquakes! Time to run out of falling range of any tall structures and _bridges!"_

Fighting back the urge to retch, Kurogane took a chunk out of the mushroom, and was distraught to find himself shrinking even further.

Immediately, there came an earth-shaking shriek from above.

"What's happened?! Kuro-rin's disappeared! WHY HAS HE DISAPPEARED?!"

"I haven't disappeared!" he bellowed, and was horrified to hear his voice come out in a chipmunk squeak, "What the fuck's happened to my voice?!"

"He wasn't supposed to go so fast!" Fai wailed obliviously, "He was still young! I haven't mentally prepared myself to be a widow! Why did this have to _happen?!"_

_"Cause he was an obstinate little girl who wouldn't listen to me!" _the caterpillar raged, "If he had! I'd have told him that one side would make him grow taller, and one side would make him grow shorter!"

"One side of _what?!"_

"The mushroom!"

"Then _why didn't you say so earlier?!"_

"Because he was an obstinate little girl who—What are you doing?! Stop! Stop! Get those claws away from me!"

"How dare you!" came the enraged wail from above, knocking Kurogane off his feet even as he threw himself towards the other side of the mushroom, "How _dare _you insult Kuro-chi's memory! Won't you people let him rest even in _death?!"_

Kurogane attempted to break a chunk from the mushroom, but he was too small to muster enough strength to do so.

"Wait! I'm not a serpent!" Syaoran cried brokenly, "Come back!"

"You think I'm stupid enough to stay near these tall, tall trees with you serpents around?! And with that serpent of a Duchess so near as well! I should have moved out the moment that damn Duchess was born… And now that Duchess-with-a-death-wish has gone and collected five Seals and another Serpent within this very estate! With the Dark Kamui coming over for ice cream!"

Nose wrinkling in disgust, Kurogane bent down and bit a large chunk out from the mushroom. And abruptly found himself all of three inches again.

"Kuro-rinta's come back to me!" Fai shrieked, and tackled him, "I knew I wasn't meant to be widowed!"

"We're not goddamned married!" Kurogane yelled, and broke off a chunk from each side of the mushroom, "Hurry up and eat this!"

He snapped off another chunk, and took a measured bite into it. Up, up, up he shot. Up through the forest canopy.

"Another Serpent?! How many will there be today?!"

With a _crash! _Fai's blonde head exploded out beside him.

"And now there's three! Is it the Final Day already?!"

"We're- we're not serpents," Syaoran whimpered dejectedly, "Come back…"

"Everybody evacuate!" called the retreating voice, _"The Apocalypse is nigh!"_

"Great! Now we're too tall!" Kurogane grumbled, unconcerned by the sudden departing flock of… bluebirds that took to the skies with a scattering of fluffy down and blue feathers, "Ugh, all these damn feathers are gonna make me sneeze."

"We made them leave," Syaoran said, eyes wide and distraught, "We made them leave their homes."

"It's alright, Syaoran-kun," Fai soothed, awkwardly pulling an arm out of the way of the trees to wrap it around the brunette's shoulders, "She already said that it wasn't safe to be living near the Duchess. It was probably for the best that we chased them all off! As she said, the apocalypse is nigh!"

"Okay, we'll break this into three and hopefully we'll be the right size," Kurogane muttered mostly to himself, oblivious to his companions, "That damned caterpillar didn't tell us where the Big Temple of Tao was in the end so we're going to have to ask for directions—here, don't drop it."

Sniffling, Syaoran held out his palm to collect the crumb of a mushroom from Kurogane. Fai popped the mushroom like a pill, and a moment later they were shooting down through the trees. Kurogane closed his eyes, praying hard to any surrounding kamis. _I promise I'll be a good little girl and offer incense at the Big Temple of Tao later, _he thought fervently to himself, _I'll sit in seiza the whole time I'm there and I won't complain about my heels and I'll sit through the tea ceremony and stare into the cups and say wise, philosophical things, and… and please, please, please let us be back to our usual heights because three inches is _such _a wretched height._

He opened his eyes.

"Score!" he yelled, as he found the trees and the grass and his companions all back to the proper heights and proportions, "I'm 6'5 again!"

"You're a monster!" Fai yelped, "You're 5 inches taller than me?!"

Syaoran whimpered, all of 5 feet tall. (Fai kept assuring him that at the age of fifteen, he was still growing, but he'd long given up hopes of towering over his surrogate parents. He'd never know if he towered over his real parents, but he doubted he would ever be taller than his father since his father was also his clone.)

"Now where did you lot come from?" came a deep baritone voice from behind them.

"K-Kusanagi-san?" Syaoran stuttered. Great, another one of those tall ones to add to his new Napolean complex. He was turning into the caterpillar. Fei Wang Reed had been right that they were the same in the end.

"Actually," the man said sheepishly, "I'm His Ladyship's gardener."

"You know where the Big Temple of Tao is?" Kurogane cut in rudely.

The gardener shrugged.

"Nope, but I'm sure the Duchess does!"

"I'm not quite sure I want to meet the Duchess after what everyone's said about him…" Syaoran whimpered quietly to himself.

"How do we find him, Mr. Gardener?" Fai chirped.

"Well…" said the man a little hesitantly, "You're already within His Ladyship's estate, but you can only get across the moat when there's a rainbow."

"What." Kurogane said, unamused.

There came an unholy shriek.

"A rainbow! A rainbow!" shrieked a familiar voice from a distance, "The apocalypse is nigh! _The apocalypse is nigh!"_

"Well," Fai said, looking somewhat bemused, "It looks like our problem is solved."

"It appears to be so," the gardener agreed, looking equally bewildered, "In that case," he turned to indicate a path trailing off through the trees, "Just follow the yellow brick road and you'll eventually reach the moat. Better hurry before the rainbow disappears."

"Yellow brick road?" Syaoran scoffed, "I think we're getting our stories mixed up here. Next you'll be telling me that the castle is Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

The gardener blinked.

"Why," he murmured, "Indeed it is. How did you know? I don't believe I've told you that the rainbow forms a bridge across the moat yet, have I?"

Syaoran gaped at him, distraught.

"This is _not_ funny!" he cried.

"Evidently," Kurogane remarked, somewhat baffled by the boy's redundant statement. Perhaps the Dormouse simply had a sense of humor galaxies away from the rest of them? He had no idea what about the conversation could have been mistaken as funny.

"Anyhow, just follow the yellow brick road, or you might run into His Ladyship's sakura. They are _quite _murderous," suddenly, a wheelbarrow of disturbingly red fertilizers that looked more like gore than organic plant material appeared seemingly out of nowhere, "I have to go tend to His Ladyship's sakura. He's rather busy with the new flowerbed these days. When you meet the foot-woman, tell her that you're here to see the Duchess of the Barrow."

And off he went, down the other end of the yellow brick road, humming a jolly tune to himself. Syaoran was horrified to note that he recognized the song.

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick," Fai muttered to himself in a slight singsong, following the gardener's tune.

"No. Just…. _No," _Syaoran moaned.

"Follow the rainbow over the stream," Kurogane found himself compelled to sing, "Follow the fella who follows a dream."

"Stop!" Syaoran cried, "We're not stopping to sing songs any longer! We need to be… Off to see the Duchess! The terrible Duchess of the Barrow!"

He clapped his hands over his mouth.

"Please tell me this is a dream._"_

"Actually, I do believe that this isn't a dream."

They spun around to see an utterly ethereal man, who looked very much as if he belonged in a dream, dressed in a flowing white kimono with a red shawl draped over his fragile-looking shoulders and a woven basket dangling from his fingers. He blinked long blonde lashes at them, face as still as a statue. A long fringe was flipped over one side of his face, and the rest fell down his back in straight, silky locks.

"You're… That guy we met in the Government Building," Syaoran said finally, "But I don't remember your name."

"Have we met before then?" the mysterious blonde asked quietly, voice so quiet and wispy that Kurogane was inclined to mistake it as the whisper of wind through the trees, "Perhaps I have walked with you, once upon a dream."

Syaoran stiffened.

"W-what did you say?" he demanded hoarsely.

"Visions are seldom all they seem," the man mused quietly to himself, "Yes, I know it's true."

"I'll have you know that I'm straight and I have a princess and I will not love you at once even if you're another Prince Charming!" Syaoran declared immediately, and made as if to flee; Kurogane caught him by the back of his shirt.

The man looked vaguely offended.

"Well, I'll have you know that _I'm _straight and I too, have a princess… Or is she more an empress? And though I've only walked with her once upon a dream (a recurring dream, mind you, and they say that if dreams happen more than once they're bound to happen!) I loved her at once, and I'm sure I'd recognize the gleam in her beautiful green eyes— so a familiar a gleam!"

Syaoran paused in his vehement struggles.

"Green eyes?" He asked warily, "No brunettes in red dresses with missing slippers?"

"Absolutely not," retorted the man, still managing to sound distinctively airy while sounding indignant, "The February Bear is a beautiful lady with ebony hair, snow-white skin, and lips as red as blood."

"….Snow-white skin?"

"The February Bear?" Fai repeated, sounding delighted, "Why! This is playing out like a fairytale!"

"I don't believe in fairytales."

"Why not?!" Fai asked, and performed an elegant little swirl, "You have to believe that one day your princess will find you!"

"The apocalypse is nigh," the man intoned in answer, "That doesn't happen in fairytales," he pulled his red shawl more tightly around himself, frowning, "And who are you? You know, I'm really not supposed to speak to strangers. Obaa-chan told me so, once upon a dream."

"You only see your grandmother in dreams?"

"She's not my grandmother," he said, "I don't get along with my family. She's the February Bear's grandmother. The Empress Dowager. My dreams told me to bring a basket of fruits to her, at the Abode of Emperors."

"Then the Abode of Emperors is this way?!" Kurogane asked eagerly, remembering the caterpillar's mention of it.

The man's face fell ever so slightly, and he averted his eyes.

"…No," he murmured finally, "My dreams told me to find the Huntsman, and he'd tell me where it was."

"There are only rainbows and Duchesses down the yellow brick road," Fai told him apologetically, "Are you sure you've gotten the right place?"

"I'm certain," insisted the man stubbornly, "Don't you know the Duchess is named for Orion, the Hunter?"

"So you're looking for the castle Somewhere Over the Rainbow too?" Syaoran asked eagerly.

"Yes, my dreams told me that I could find the Huntsman across the Rainbow Moat."

"Follow the fella who follows a dream…." Syaoran murmured wonderingly to himself.

The man started, and began to back flightily away, "Follow me? I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"But don't you remember? We've met before!" Syaoran immediately insisted, and suppressed a grimace as he desperately uttered the words: "You said so yourself! Once upon a dream!"

"I said perhaps…"

"I know you!" Syaoran choked out, "I walked with you once upon a dream!"

"I'm Fai! The Cheshire Cat!" Fai jumped in with perfect timing, stepping forward with a gentlemanly flourish and a deep bow "If you'll introduce yourself, we won't be strangers any longer, eh?"

The stranger stared at them distrustfully from under blonde lashes.

"I'm her majesty's footman," he said finally, "The Dream Walker."

"Kurogane," Kurogane said shortly, before he could be dubbed anything else.

"Syaoran."

The Dream Walker's pale gold eyes widened.

"Xiao lang?!" he cried, voice the loudest they'd heard since meeting him, "Obaa-chan said not to go near any wolves!"

He turned and made as if to run.

"Wait!" Syaoran yelped, catching him by the arm.

"Let go of me!" cried the Dream Walker, "I do not consent to this! Se lang! Se lang!"

Se lang? The word was one he vaguely recognized from his childhood in Hong Kong… _Pervert?_

"What?!" Syaoran cried, dismayed "I'm not a se lang! I'm not a pervert!"

"Se lang!" the man wailed, "Pervert!"

Kurogane unceremoniously knocked him out with a sharp blow to the head.

The Dream Walker slumped over, and the 'little girl' slung him over a broad shoulder in a single easy motion.

"Good night, sleeping beauty," he said sarcastically, and set off down the yellow brick road, "And now we _really _need to be off to see the Duchess."

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," Fai sighed.

Above them, bluebirds flew, stragglers in the evacuation judging from their screeching cries of "Serpent! _Ser-_PENT!"

* * *

**A/N: Cough. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. *shot* Btw, the Chinese reading for Syaoran is Xiao Lang, meaning little wolf. However, the Chinese word for pervert/lecher is se lang, with se being the character for color (and an euphemism for sex) and lang meaning wolf literally. The translation of se lang should be something along the lines of "sexual predator". Also, Little Red Riding Hood is often said to be a rape parable with the wolf being a rapist. Thus the "I do not consent to this!"**

**Time for references! First, the identity of everyone who's appeared: The flowers were Subaru the... not honeysuckle from X/TB and Karen the flame of the forest from X, Touya the peach-blossom bush and Yue the moonflower from CCS, and Himawari the sunflower from xxxHolic. The March Hare/ February Bear is Hokuto from X/TB, the caterpillar is Fei Wang Reed, the Gardener is Kusanagi from X, and the Dream Walker is Kakyou from X.**

**Tokyo Babylon (TB): Subaru and Hokuto Sumeragi are twins, both named after constellations. Subaru ****is named after Pleiades, or the Seven Sisters, thus his identity as the Seven Sons flowerHokuto is named for Ursa Major. Ursa is latin for bear. Both Hokuto and Subaru are born in February, and their surname, Sumeragi, means Emperor. Seishirou is named after the constellation Orion, The Hunter.**

**X1999: As mentioned in the last chapter, there are Seven Angels (Dragons of Heaven/ Serpents) and Seven Seals. On the Final Day, the Seven Seals and Seven Angels will gather to fight the Final Battle to decide the fate of the earth. Before then, they have many non-final battles that cause earthquakes and collapse tall skyscrapers and bridges in the process. Seisub fans... Rainbow Bridge. People who don't know, just know that Rainbow Bridge is a place very associated with Seisub. The Angels mentioned in this chapter are: Fuuma the Dark Kamui, Seishirou, Kusanagi , and Kakyou who is in love with Hokuto. Karen's element is fire, and is one of the Seven Seals alongside Subaru, Kamui, and some others who will appear in the next chapter.**

**Cardcaptor Sakura: Touya literally means "peach blossom", Yue is a magical being, hidden inside his other form who masquerades as a human, and is thus asleep the majority of the time. Yue is the Chinese pronunciation of same character for tsuki in Japanese, meaning moon. Tomoyo is written with the characters for 'know' and 'life/world', implying that she is a wise person who knows a lot about the universe. Her surname, Daidouji, is written with the characters for 'big/great' 'path/way/Tao in Taoism' and 'temple'. Cough. So now you know who the Mad Hatter of the Big Temple of Tao is.**

**xxxHolic: Himawari is Doumeki and Watanukis' classmate. Her name means sunflower, and she is known for commenting on how "Doumeki-kun and Watanuki-kun are such good friends!", much to Watanuki's ire.**

**Erm...I assume everyone recognizes the fairytales? On a side note, I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. To be honest, this was done when I first posted the first chapter, but I couldn't bring myself to post it until now because I didn't like how it turned out. Sigh, anyway, from what I've written of the next chapter , I think it will be better. Better in the sense that its a little more coherent and a little less dialogue driven. I've got half of it down, but I'm hoping to post it on the 19th of February because that would be Subaru and Hokuto's birthday. Then again, it's supposed to be Hokuto's UNbirthday, isn't it? Hmm...**

**Finally, happy Chinese New Year! Well, it's in a week's time but I guess it's soon enough for me to mention. I'll be real busy then because my grandmother lives with us so we're always hosting. But hopefully there'll be some halt in the ceaseless school assignments for me to get some writing down. School has been, quite frankly, hell. In fact, I'd quite forgotten about this fic until I saw that I had a new review today from DAIrinchan. So if there's anyone I'd like to thank for this chapter it'd be her, for reminding me about the existence of this fic. **


	3. Off Hiatus

Hello,

I am off hiatus.

But this is not all good news. While I am writing again, this does not mean that my output speed is any good at all. I am still juggling assignments and revision, but now that there are less deadlines and more studying to do, I actually have the freedom to choose to take a break and write. Things have been rough since the last time I posted an announcement like this and I don't know if it will get better, but I'm going to continue trying.

Anyway, my finals are finishing in end November so until then, I don't foresee much promise of any long-term spikes in writing activity.

Lack of inspiration is also very likely to contribute to slow writing. Honestly speaking, I have largely stepped off the TRC ship to sail off in exploration of new horizons. However, I must add that luckily I have only shifted interests WITHIN the larger CLAMP fandom rather than flying off to become an avid Homestuck, a Sherlock fanatic, or even a hardcore gamer determined to finish Devil Survivor 2 before watching the new anime. Therefore, it's still relatively easy to write for TRC. Not to mention that while TRC is no longer my #1 Obsession, writing TRC is still like returning to my childhood home after a harrying stay in Tokyo. It's not like writing CCS (which was my #1 Obsession before TRC), where I can't even begin to care for characters I'm writing anymore. I still love TRC and can easily slip back into my rabid fangirl mode, it's just not my DEFAULT mode of operation anymore. That would be X1999.

That aside, I've been trying to find some place off FFnet where I can post some WIP snippets to keep you guys updated. Having these selective bits posted somewhere also gives me the dubiously false impression that I'm actually making progress and spurs me to continue writing. So far, I've started posting snippets in my scrapbook on deviantArt, where you can find me by the name of pseudo-brush, but I'm actually trying to bring my livejournal back up to date so I can start posting there instead. Because I actually prefer my dA to be more for my art than for my writing. My livejournal user is also pseudo-quill, same as here, but it's still very very behind. As in last year behind.

On the topic of livejournal, I really hate the new (not so new anymore) collapsible cuts. But I'm willing to let it go for now and continue posting there in desperation for a place to provide you guys with semi-regular updates. I might even eventually create a dreamwidth, however for the foreseeable future I will mostly be posting on dA or livejournal unless I have a complete chapter to offer you here on FFnet.

**To round this off:**

**1)** I am off hiatus,  
**2)** No, that does not mean there will be regular updates,  
**3)** My shift of interest will not affect TRC writings, and  
**4)** You can try watching for updates on my dA or livejournal.

Cheers to future successes in any writing endeavors.

**UPDATE 06AUG13: Sometimes I really surprise myself, but I took a couple hours and my livejournal is now officially up to date including recent fic fragments. You can find me at pseudo-quill. livejournal. com.**


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